For some people, going through a divorce can be the most painful thing that they have experienced. Divorce is something that can shake a person to the core and take years to move past. After a divorce, it can be tough to adjust to the single life again, especially if you were married for many years. You might be wondering how you can move forward. There are some things that you can do to start the healing process and move forward. Here are some tips from marriage counseling experts in Roseville CA.
#1 Let Go Of Bitterness
After a divorce, many people hold on to anger and bitterness. However, holding onto anger and bitterness towards your ex-spouse for the divorce is toxic. It can make it hard for people in your life to be around you — at a time when you need social support the most. Resentment also makes it hard for you to focus on the future, which is definitely what you don’t want after a divorce. To recover after splitting up, you must learn to let go of these negative emotions. So, how do you let go of bitterness and resentment? Relationship counseling therapists in sacramento recommend this exercise:
Write down a list of everything that triggers these feelings. An example might be: “I resent my spouse because they received more money in the settlement than I think is fair.”
Next, try to reframe the things that trigger resentment. You might reframe the above example like this: “Although my ex-spouse received more money than what I think is fair, I can’t change the settlement at this point. It would be more beneficial to move on and rebuild my financial life.”
#2 Don’t Play The Blame Game
It is natural to want to blame someone when something goes wrong. When a divorce occurs, you might blame your spouse or yourself. You might feel guilty for things that you did or didn't do. Or, maybe you paint your ex-spouse as the villain. Playing the blame game will not provide emotional relief and let you move on. Blame is toxic and will eat up at your happiness. Letting go of blame is not the same as condoning a behavior, it refers to forgiveness. So, if your ex-spouse cheated, you might not believe that their conduct was acceptable, but you forgive them and move forward.
#3 Focus On New Roles
If you were a couple for a long time, you probably played a specific role in the relationship. Now that you are single, your role might change significantly. If your spouse was the one responsible for managing the household finances before, then after a divorce, you might find yourself having to embrace the new role of managing the money. Embracing the changing roles can give you the chance to focus on and learn something new. Look at it as an opportunity for growth.
#4 Go to Therapy
Therapy can be beneficial after a divorce. It is a safe place where you can share your feelings and thoughts. Therapy can teach you the coping skills that you need to work towards a new life. It can also help you have a healthier outlook after your divorce, which is especially important if you are holding on to anger, resentment or bitterness. Click here to find personal growth counseling in Roseville CA.
Lori Hunter, LMFT specializes in working with families, co-parenting and those high conflict couples struggling with relationships. She helps couples build intimacy, teaching effective emotional processing techniques that directly improve thoughts and behaviors.