The current divorce rate in the United States is about 40 percent of all people who married 35 years ago, according to the latest statistics.1 So, what contributes to the high divorce rates? Part of the problem is that people have place unfair expectations on their partner, according to Roseville marriage counseling experts. This problem stems from having unrealistic relationship expectations in general.
The majority of the thoughts and feelings that you probably have about relationships likely came from what you have read in books, listened to in music, seen in movies and heard from family and friends. This leads you to develop ideas about fated love and generational tales about soulmates. Most people develop these ideas about relationships reasonably early in life, and they tend to stick around unless you examine them.
Although there is nothing wrong with having high expectations in life, placing unfair expectations on your partner can ruin a good relationship. No person is perfect. All people have strengths and flaws. However, these flaws are glossed over in popular media.
So, how do you know if you are too demanding of your partner? Here are some signs to help you out.
#1 You Become Angry When Your Partner Wants To Spend Time Apart
It is natural and healthy for partners to spend some time apart. If your partner is gone more often than not, then there is a problem. However, you should be able to tolerate spending time alone. If you continuously feel angry, hurt or jealous when your partner wants to spend time apart pursuing their hobbies and interests, then it might helpful to talk with Roseville marriage counseling experts. Therapy can help you deal with things like low-self-esteem or depression that might be affecting your feelings.
#2 You Feel That Your Partner Should Take Care Of You
Every relationship should consist of mutual caring. The key is shared. Both partners should love and care for each other. Do you expect your partner to pay for all of the dates? Do they give up on things that they want to do to please you? If you have answered yes to these questions, then consider thinking about ways that you can take more responsibility for the things that you want.
#3 You Feel Like You Have To Nag Your Partner Constantly
Nagging is problematic in a relationship. With nagging, one partner is acting as an authoritative power over another. It stems from the belief that you can compel your partner to do what you want if you ask enough times. Instead of nagging when you are unhappy with something, negotiate with your partner.
Negotiation involves working together to come up with a solution. Negotiating allows both of you to get your needs met and you will no longer feel that you have to nag to get what you want. So, how do you learn to negotiate in a relationship? Fortunately, this is one skill that is easy to learn in relationship counseling in Sacramento. All that you have to do is look for opportunities to negotiate and practice the skill often.
What if you feel like you are unhappy and not getting your needs met in your relationship?
Marital therapy is an excellent way to help you manage expectations in a relationship. A therapist can help you establish appropriate expectations and understand ways to respond when they are not met.
Lori Hunter, LMFT specializes in working with families, co-parenting and those high conflict couples struggling with relationships. She helps couples build intimacy, teaching effective emotional processing techniques that directly improve thoughts and behaviors.